Jesus IS Hitler

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Jesus is an evil, anti-Semitic coward. Just look at how fake he is. He claims to be the son of "God", and that he stands for good will towards men, but what he doesn't want you to know is that he is God's diabolical prodigal son. He spends all of his spare time killing Jews and punching babies. He tricked us all into believing that he was the "messiah", and that him being crucified was merely a sacrifice to absolve mankind for all of their sins. When in reality he was crucified by the Jews as a result of years of showboating and being a straight up dick.

Jesus first developed his severe hatred of Jews when he submitted a dreidel with a swastika painted on one of the four sides. The idea was rejected by the Jewish community because they thought the symbol was "stupid" and this hurt Jesus's feelings. The swastika was later used by Jesus as Hitler and is now known as a symbol of hatred toward Jews.

Jesus wreaked havoc with the Jews for a long time, and after he masturbated on the Star of David the Jews could take it no more and had to finally put him down. As a result of this, Jesus started an extensive campaign of anti-Semitic propaganda that led to Jews being the most hated, discrimminated against group of people on the planet. After Jesus was crucifed, he laid low for a while. He was patient and bided his time until he decided that he must come back to Earth to piss in the face of Jews. And so nobody would be suspicious, he re-incarnated himself as Adolf Hitler, an unlikely villain, and proceeded to kill over 6 million Jews out of revenge and spite. That bastard.

You might argue that it was the Romans that killed Jesus and not the Jews. Well, that's not how Jesus tell's the story.

You might also wonder why Germany? Think about it. Germany just got their asses kicked in World War I. Who better to fuck over? They were the easy target for takeover. I mean come on, it's Germany, nobody cares about Germany. Not then, not now. Germany was also a good place for a central control center, so he could take over other countries and hide more concentration camps.

It's also believed that Jesus hated Japanese people because he was bad at writing haikus. This hasn't been proven, but I wouldn't doubt it.

Now, most of you probably have never stopped to consider whether or not Jesus and Hitler are one and the same. You probably blindly follow the absurd belief that Jesus was our 'Lord and Savior' and was in no way connected to Hitler, who was an Anti-Semitic imperialistic murdering fuckhead. But I would like you to take a look at the facts before you go on believing this rubbish:

-Ever wonder what the H stands for in Jesus H. Christ? That's right. Jesus Hitler Christ.

-In the Bible, Jesus clearly states "Ye who is not racist towards the Hebrew people shall go down".

-Jesus and Hitler have never been spotted in the same place.

-Both Jesus and Hitler were carpenters early in their career.

-Both Jesus and Hitler were masters of propaganda.

-Both Jesus and Hitler enjoy pineapple on their pizza.

-Both Jesus and Hitler sported the same douchey moustache.

-Both Jesus and Hitler were picked on in high school and allegedly got no play.

-Mein Kampf is the sequel to the Bible.

-Both Jesus and Hitler are hypocritical closet homosexuals. Both expressed extreme hatred towards gays, yet have both been caught on tape giving Batman a blowjob.

-Both Jesus and Hitler are fans of the Canadian "sport" curling.

These facts have never been challanged. People just see the evidence and ignore it because Jesus, aka Hitler, is such a master of propeganda. Now to dispel some common misconceptions about Jesus/Hitler.

Myth: Jesus is a loving and forgiving lord.
Fact: Jesus is an anti-Semitic douchebag.

Myth: Jesus was a miracle child, born to a virgin.
Fact: Jesus's mom was a slut and Maury Povich wasn't around to round up the herds of Nomads that she let plow her so she claimed she was a virgin. That bitch.

Myth: Jesus turned water into wine out of good will.
Fact: Jesus was a raging alcoholic and used any excuse to get wasted.

Myth: Niether Jesus nor Hitler ever employed groups of goblins as assasins.
Fact: Jesus and Hitler BOTH employed groups of goblins as assasins.

Myth: Prayers have always ended with the standard amen.
Fact: Prayers were originally concluded with a Heil Jesus! Over time and through translations it was shortened to the now known 'amen'.